The Blob (1988)Some things are better left untouched. The Blob (1988) is a remake of the film of the same name from thirty years earlier. Like its predecessor, it deals with a man-eating blob of mobile goo which falls from space in what appears to be a meteor. After absorbing some townsfolk, it grows bigger and rampages throughout the quaint, little town of Arborville, California. The only one who seems to want to stop this menace at first is a high school girl named Meg Penny (Shawnee Smith), who tries to recruit local rebel, Brian Flagg (Kevin Dillon), to warn the town of this menace from above.
|
|
The Eighties produced plenty of remakes of classic monster movies, like the excellent The Thing or the uber-gross The Fly. This remake of The Blob came somewhat later, but feels like it learned nothing of what made those remakes excellent. Instead, it all too safely embraces the original in plot and tone, except for plopping in a twist at the end which is almost as predictable as it could be. See, the "meteorite" housing The Blob was--spoilers, if you care--man made, and contained a biological weapon being developed to use against "The Russians", the go-to bad guy in the Eighties. But, of course, there's nothing logical supporting this until the movie tells you, so you just kind of have to accept that something like this is reasonable. And that leads to the greatest sin of this remake: taking its audience for granted. There are countless offenses of this kind in The Blob, but the quintessential example of these is what would otherwise be a throwaway moment that nevertheless gets revisited (probably to pad the runtime). Meg's younger brother, Kevin (Michael Kenworthy, a.k.a. "The Commercial Kid"), goes to a slasher movie with his annoying friend, and this movie has the audacity to make fun of an equally cringeworthy monster movie, involving a maniac in a hockey mask with a hedge trimmer...no, really. (Note to The Blob: don't cast stones in glass houses.) This film lacks creativity at every turn. Yes, The Blob is vulnerable to cold...like in the original. Yes, The Blob attacks a diner...like in the original. The Blob escapes from the hospital and attacks people in the woods...like, well, you get the idea. A generous viewer might consider this remake to be something of a "spoof" of the original. After all, it isn't so much the captain of the football team--in this movie, he's Meg's date and he's named Paul (Donovan Leitch)--who is the "hero" this time around. No, Paul gets killed early on. But instead, it is a "rebellious youth" (Brian) who is the male protagonist. Only...he's as phony of a rebel as there ever was. From his Eighties rock permed hair to the Rebel Without a Cause cliche-ridden motorcycle-riding schtick, he feels like a parody in and of himself. The best example of this movie's unconvincing attempt to make him a "hero" is a "Chekhov's Gun" like example. There is a broken bridge he fails to jump over on his bike in the first reel, only to make said jump later in the film as he's being pursued by the sinister government goons in hazmat suits. Convenient.
Is this The Blob a "bad" movie? Well, you can probably guess my answer, but perhaps a more egalitarian question would be, "just who is this movie for?" Well, I grew up watching the original The Blob on VHS tape, and found it was a fairly inoffensive, creepy movie to kill some time on a Saturday afternoon around Halloween. Even the original isn't terribly complex, so I guess that this remake is faithful to it in that respect. But I'm of the mind that a remake can be more than just a cheap cash grab. It can add a new dimension, expand on the source material, or give the audience a newfound appreciation of the first movie. Consider that movies like The Maltese Falcon, Ben-Hur, and even Scarface were remakes, and how they became the defining versions of these stories; this movie, The Blob, cannot make such a claim. The idea that the alien goo was a secret government weapon feels slapped on for a reason. Yes, fear of the Soviets was real in the Eighties, and movies did a lot to stoke that flame. Ironically, pursuing the theme of a government conspiracy should be an original take on the story, but The Blob handles it in such a noncommittal, uninteresting way that it really feels like an afterthought. I mean, why would the head of the secret scientists, Dr. Meddows (Joe Seneca), even bother to lie to Brian and Meg if he was just planning on making them sacrifices to his mission in the first place? The Blob feels like the kind of low-budget sci-fi/horror flicks that find a home on The SyFy Channel. I lost count of how many times I could see the edging around The Blob from the poor greenscreening. And yet, movies like...Sharknado, I suppose, have found audiences for their campiness; is The Blob campy? In truth, the original was campy even in 1958, so perhaps there's something there. I just would have preferred a remake to have said something more substantial or put a whole new spin on the source material. The Eighties had their fair share of remakes, exemplifying a kind of nostalgia for the past; but as audiences grow up, so too should the stories.
Recommended for: Fans of sci-fi/horror movie remakes, albeit ones that don't raise the bar. The Blob almost never feels like it takes itself seriously as a horror movie, but it isn't nearly humorous enough to be viewed as a comedy. If what you're looking for is a subpar remake that adds nothing of value to the original film, The Blob may just be for you.
Is this The Blob a "bad" movie? Well, you can probably guess my answer, but perhaps a more egalitarian question would be, "just who is this movie for?" Well, I grew up watching the original The Blob on VHS tape, and found it was a fairly inoffensive, creepy movie to kill some time on a Saturday afternoon around Halloween. Even the original isn't terribly complex, so I guess that this remake is faithful to it in that respect. But I'm of the mind that a remake can be more than just a cheap cash grab. It can add a new dimension, expand on the source material, or give the audience a newfound appreciation of the first movie. Consider that movies like The Maltese Falcon, Ben-Hur, and even Scarface were remakes, and how they became the defining versions of these stories; this movie, The Blob, cannot make such a claim. The idea that the alien goo was a secret government weapon feels slapped on for a reason. Yes, fear of the Soviets was real in the Eighties, and movies did a lot to stoke that flame. Ironically, pursuing the theme of a government conspiracy should be an original take on the story, but The Blob handles it in such a noncommittal, uninteresting way that it really feels like an afterthought. I mean, why would the head of the secret scientists, Dr. Meddows (Joe Seneca), even bother to lie to Brian and Meg if he was just planning on making them sacrifices to his mission in the first place? The Blob feels like the kind of low-budget sci-fi/horror flicks that find a home on The SyFy Channel. I lost count of how many times I could see the edging around The Blob from the poor greenscreening. And yet, movies like...Sharknado, I suppose, have found audiences for their campiness; is The Blob campy? In truth, the original was campy even in 1958, so perhaps there's something there. I just would have preferred a remake to have said something more substantial or put a whole new spin on the source material. The Eighties had their fair share of remakes, exemplifying a kind of nostalgia for the past; but as audiences grow up, so too should the stories.
Recommended for: Fans of sci-fi/horror movie remakes, albeit ones that don't raise the bar. The Blob almost never feels like it takes itself seriously as a horror movie, but it isn't nearly humorous enough to be viewed as a comedy. If what you're looking for is a subpar remake that adds nothing of value to the original film, The Blob may just be for you.