Heavy Metal 2000Being "cool" typically looks effortless...something almost intangible that just feels exciting or enjoyable. Unfortunately, when something tries too hard to be "cool", it only achieves the opposite effect. Heavy Metal 2000 is an animated sci-fi movie about an interstellar miner named Tyler (Michael Ironside), who discovers a mystical crystal (or "key") that opens an ancient gate to a fountain of immortality. Tyler cuts a swathe of bloody carnage through the galaxy in his quest to become immortal, and makes a blood enemy of a buxom warrior named Julie (Julie Strain) after he destroys her home and kills her father.
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Heavy Metal 2000 is a successor to the adult animated sci-fi/fantasy movie from 1981 called Heavy Metal, and is adapted from the graphic novel called "The Melting Pot" by Kevin Eastman (of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" fame), alongside Simon Bisley and Eric Talbot. For background, Kevin Eastman became the publisher of Heavy Metal magazine, and this graphic novel occupied an entire issue he published during his tenure. Julie Strain was his wife and an erotic model whose likeness inspired the protagonist of the story. The reason I bring this up now is because despite what is fundamentally a great concept for a sci-fi flick full of guns, guts, and gratuitousness, Heavy Metal 2000 is a boring misfire, and I have to guess that a part of this comes from a few creative people having no one telling them that what they were making just wasn't any good. It's an inherent flaw in the creative process that without brutally hard criticism to challenge you during it, you end up with something lesser, and you can't figure out why. My first exposure to Heavy Metal 2000 was in college, but I only recently saw the movie for the first time. I had the soundtrack on CD, which came in a lovely sleeve illustrated by Bisley, showcasing Julie's (ahem) "talents" in a skimpy red battle outfit, armed with sword and gun and ready for action. The music was pretty great, and I was introduced to a lot of new bands as a result. Fast-forward to 2021 and a lazy Saturday afternoon flipping through Amazon Prime, and I had the opportunity to see the movie that inspired the soundtrack. What followed was a disconnect for me that felt like my nostalgia had been all for naught.
Don't get me wrong; I like the idea of Heavy Metal 2000, just as I like the idea of Heavy Metal magazine. Sure, it grabs its readers by advertising itself as an "adult" illustrated fantasy magazine with its provocative covers--illustrations typically depicting scantily clad women in sci-fi/fantasy settings and garb, so it subsequently tends to get sold on high up shelves with protective barriers to protect the innocent. It's a forum for artists and writers from around the world to share unfiltered stories that don't have to be sanitized for mainstream consumption. But I've picked up a few issues to see for myself, and the truth is that it's often hit or miss. Some stories are compelling, but many feel like something was lost in translation (the magazine has many non-English speaking European artists who also write), and it invariably includes titillation for its own sake and often lacks polish. I suppose, then, that this makes Heavy Metal 2000 a consistent adaptation of the magazine (at least during the late 90s/early 2000s run), but not for the better. In fact, the movie suffers where the magazine thrives, since the latter often has vivid illustrations by talented artists to compensate for occasionally meager storytelling. Regrettably, this movie can make no such claim. This animation wouldn't be out of place in a Saturday morning cartoon of the era, made with little attention to detail, inconsistent animation, and generally boring character design (with exceptions). Characters like Tyler and Julie change outfits (Julie dons increasingly revealing ones) as the film progresses, but it never is justified short of being what might have been a misguided attempt to foster a line of action figures. The film is directed by Michael Coldewey and Michel Lemire, but don't be surprised if these names are unfamiliar. Almost every action set piece is a jumbled mess; I truly had no idea just what was happening when Tyler led his assault on Julie's homeland (which carries the pedestrian name of "Eden"). And in one of the most bizarre stylistic choices, nearly half of the scenes in Heavy Metal 2000 transition from one to another by way of a fade to black, even when the next scene isn't that far removed from the prior one. This creates numerous pauses that are confusing from an editing standpoint, and gave me the weird expectation that somehow someone thought that these might be placeholders for a commercial break should this ever get shown on television. (The sex robot at least made sure that this wasn't going to happen.)
It didn't take long for me to draw the conclusion that Heavy Metal 2000 is essentially a poor man's Titan A.E. Released in the same year, Titan A.E. was another sci-fi animated film that merges CGI with drawn animation, and also includes set pieces with rock music pumped in. But Heavy Metal 2000 banks on its audience getting so pumped by the hard-hitting soundtrack during its action scenes that what happens in them is hardly worth the needle drop, and it also lacks the charm and talent of Don Bluth's animated film. To be fair, I would call the soundtrack the best thing about Heavy Metal 2000, including great songs by the likes of Monster Magnet, Queens of the Stone Age, Pantera, and more. The hard rock roots of the movie also get a nod by casting none other than Billy Idol as Odin, a mysterious alien who guides Julie to the gate concealing the waters of immortality. It's a shame, however, that despite being a wonderful musician, he makes a pretty dull voice actor, or rather that his characteristic crooning is completely absent here, and he feels terribly miscast. The film is peppered with computer-generated imagery (CGI) that, like most CGI of the era, has aged poorly as well. It never feels like it merges with the animation, even if it is (for its time) competent. But that's the problem; it's as though the animation (computer and drawn) was done without love and without any investment by its creators. It was just a vehicle for an adaptation that relied on T&A, foul language, and violence to put butts in seats. Yet despite the subpar mess that is Heavy Metal 2000, the idea of a mature (I use that word loosely here), animated sci-fi showcase thankfully remains popular. Case in point: the Netflix series "Love, Death, & Robots" was originally envisioned as a "Heavy Metal" reboot. Even though the name has changed--and perhaps this is a good thing here--the focus on stories that are diverse, clever, and edgy (without being trashy, for the most part) makes it emblematic of a kind of storytelling that will never die...even if a movie like Heavy Metal 2000 threatened to do more harm than good by way of its mediocrity.
Recommended for: Well, I would like to say fans of an action-packed sci-fi/fantasy animated story with a killer soundtrack and vivid settings and character designs, but only the soundtrack part of that is true. Heavy Metal 2000 feels like it was made to pump up adolescent teen boys with cursing, boobs, blood, and hard rock music--all of which are fine when used for more than just spectacle, though this isn't the case here.
Don't get me wrong; I like the idea of Heavy Metal 2000, just as I like the idea of Heavy Metal magazine. Sure, it grabs its readers by advertising itself as an "adult" illustrated fantasy magazine with its provocative covers--illustrations typically depicting scantily clad women in sci-fi/fantasy settings and garb, so it subsequently tends to get sold on high up shelves with protective barriers to protect the innocent. It's a forum for artists and writers from around the world to share unfiltered stories that don't have to be sanitized for mainstream consumption. But I've picked up a few issues to see for myself, and the truth is that it's often hit or miss. Some stories are compelling, but many feel like something was lost in translation (the magazine has many non-English speaking European artists who also write), and it invariably includes titillation for its own sake and often lacks polish. I suppose, then, that this makes Heavy Metal 2000 a consistent adaptation of the magazine (at least during the late 90s/early 2000s run), but not for the better. In fact, the movie suffers where the magazine thrives, since the latter often has vivid illustrations by talented artists to compensate for occasionally meager storytelling. Regrettably, this movie can make no such claim. This animation wouldn't be out of place in a Saturday morning cartoon of the era, made with little attention to detail, inconsistent animation, and generally boring character design (with exceptions). Characters like Tyler and Julie change outfits (Julie dons increasingly revealing ones) as the film progresses, but it never is justified short of being what might have been a misguided attempt to foster a line of action figures. The film is directed by Michael Coldewey and Michel Lemire, but don't be surprised if these names are unfamiliar. Almost every action set piece is a jumbled mess; I truly had no idea just what was happening when Tyler led his assault on Julie's homeland (which carries the pedestrian name of "Eden"). And in one of the most bizarre stylistic choices, nearly half of the scenes in Heavy Metal 2000 transition from one to another by way of a fade to black, even when the next scene isn't that far removed from the prior one. This creates numerous pauses that are confusing from an editing standpoint, and gave me the weird expectation that somehow someone thought that these might be placeholders for a commercial break should this ever get shown on television. (The sex robot at least made sure that this wasn't going to happen.)
It didn't take long for me to draw the conclusion that Heavy Metal 2000 is essentially a poor man's Titan A.E. Released in the same year, Titan A.E. was another sci-fi animated film that merges CGI with drawn animation, and also includes set pieces with rock music pumped in. But Heavy Metal 2000 banks on its audience getting so pumped by the hard-hitting soundtrack during its action scenes that what happens in them is hardly worth the needle drop, and it also lacks the charm and talent of Don Bluth's animated film. To be fair, I would call the soundtrack the best thing about Heavy Metal 2000, including great songs by the likes of Monster Magnet, Queens of the Stone Age, Pantera, and more. The hard rock roots of the movie also get a nod by casting none other than Billy Idol as Odin, a mysterious alien who guides Julie to the gate concealing the waters of immortality. It's a shame, however, that despite being a wonderful musician, he makes a pretty dull voice actor, or rather that his characteristic crooning is completely absent here, and he feels terribly miscast. The film is peppered with computer-generated imagery (CGI) that, like most CGI of the era, has aged poorly as well. It never feels like it merges with the animation, even if it is (for its time) competent. But that's the problem; it's as though the animation (computer and drawn) was done without love and without any investment by its creators. It was just a vehicle for an adaptation that relied on T&A, foul language, and violence to put butts in seats. Yet despite the subpar mess that is Heavy Metal 2000, the idea of a mature (I use that word loosely here), animated sci-fi showcase thankfully remains popular. Case in point: the Netflix series "Love, Death, & Robots" was originally envisioned as a "Heavy Metal" reboot. Even though the name has changed--and perhaps this is a good thing here--the focus on stories that are diverse, clever, and edgy (without being trashy, for the most part) makes it emblematic of a kind of storytelling that will never die...even if a movie like Heavy Metal 2000 threatened to do more harm than good by way of its mediocrity.
Recommended for: Well, I would like to say fans of an action-packed sci-fi/fantasy animated story with a killer soundtrack and vivid settings and character designs, but only the soundtrack part of that is true. Heavy Metal 2000 feels like it was made to pump up adolescent teen boys with cursing, boobs, blood, and hard rock music--all of which are fine when used for more than just spectacle, though this isn't the case here.